April 22 - May 1st

Few days ago I completed 32 years old. Not too much, not little. But more important was the gift I gave to myself, the right to do what I believe I have to do, the right to follow my own steps and act like myself.
And I realize I had left many things behind, not on purpose, not to hurt or disappoint anyone, I swear.

I just had to be myself, and I really sorry if being just what I am hurts someone. Was not my intention. But to me, makes no sense anymore to try to please people if this will against my believes, people have to be responsible for they're choices and consequences. Can be funny, or looks like foolish, but I'm not using masks, believe it or not.

And this makes me very lonely sometimes, but makes me exactly who I am.

For sure I have my story, my family, my husband, my friends and all the people who makes part of my life. And this really special people help me to build the person I am. Maybe, was too hard for those I love to understand me sometimes, my silences, my choices, my view of life. I appreciate and I thank with all my heart with one of attempts those incredible people made to understand and respect my choices and my free will.

I learned that the people really loves us, stay with us, doesn't matter how far we are, how quiet ore silent we are, or even how right or wrong we are. That people can see us, can accept us.

To me, I gave myself the most important gift I could. I was in the middle of nowhere, sometimes with some snow, sometimes with lots of sun, but with myself. Some people called me to congratulate me for my years, some people wrote some lines, some people do nothing, and even in this nothing I know they where there.

I give to myself the understand about what is really important and necessary to me, and the truth of my way to feel, to believe, to be is what I discovered.

I accept the fact I really don't know anything about the future, and I won't try to control anything. I can accept (and I can say this from the deepest of my heart) people exactly like they are, I won't put any expectations, desires, fears of mine in anyone's shoulders, I won't live anyone's life, I won't be anyone except myself, and I will accept just the same.

I can understand the opposite, but this doesn't mean I will agree with that.

Everyone is free to be what they are, to believe in its own believes, and share the life and the freedom to really love, accept and respect the others.

If you could know yourself, you will know what's makes sense to you and what is don't, you will be capable to make your choices by yourself and deal with the consequences of that.

I don't know about the future, but I know about the present date, about me and the things are important to me. I know what I can accept, what I can't.
I know who I am. For those that I love and can deal with such a thing like me, thank you for exists and make my way less lonely.
I love you for that.

About the future, about my husband, my family and my friends, I just know I´m here, I am what I am, full of hope, love and believes that with one of us can always be better, be more, and in the name of this love and friendship, conquest a beautiful life.

Our road is here, just here in front of us, and depend on us to walk through it.

Jade

Sonhei com você essa noite, minha querida, minha flor, minha filha.
Sonhei com você essa noite e lá chovia, chovia tanto que até daqui eu sentia.
Sonhei que você tinha frio, e que não comia.
Fui te procurar, te vi num buraco de lama a nadar.
Não precisei te chamar, você me viu, você veio, encostou-se em mim, enlameada e fria.
E aí você estava feliz, era de novo alegre, pequenina, muito suja mas já quente.
Foi quando falei seu nome que uma senhora me contou, que seu nome agora já não era aquele, mas que você chamava-se agora Notícia.